Why, when blogging, do I feel compelled to write every day, even if I don’t have anything to write about? I just have this compulsion, and I’m not sure how to tame it or use it to my advantage.
I mean, I don’t want to write about boring stuff, but my life is relatively boring in comparison to others. I get up, go to work, come home, watch some TV and go to bed, then the whole process starts over the next day. Weekends and holidays are a little different, but not much. I don’t have an exciting life just because I live close to the nation’s capitol. I am just a working stiff. Besides, the bulk of my work is on my old blog (the one that doesn’t act right half the time) and I’m worried I’ll be duplicating efforts with certain topics.
I did watch a good documentary last night called “Every Little Step”, about casting the revival of “A Chorus Line”. I was amazed at how well the show has held up over time (after all, it is over 30 years old). The themes are pretty universal, though, and even though I’m not a dancer, I could still identify with that need to perform. I’ve read books on the background of the show. I even saw the show once in Des Moines with Ed H. and his mom, but nothing prepared me for the intensity of these dancers that were trying out and their journey on film.
My own urge to perform has waxed and waned with time, and I’m at a point in my life where performing isn’t as important as it used to be. I still feel the need, but not for the same reasons. I wanted attention before. Now, the reasons for performing are different. I just like being in the groove and having everything fall in the right place when I’m singing with a group. It’s like solving a jigsaw puzzle, in a way, and I don’t have to solve jigsaw puzzles every day to be happy.
But these people – these folks auditioning for “A Chorus Line” – have a drive that amazes me, and I imagine that drive will stay in them many years from now.
Ed H. wants me to keep performing, but I don’t have the compulsion to do it that I used to have even 10 years ago. I don’t know if it’s the meds, or just me getting older.
But I remember the thrill. Nothing can take that away from me. And the thrill is contagious.
I highly recommend renting this movie if you can (I saw it on RCN On Demand), or waiting until it shows up on TV. It’s for anyone who’s ever “shot the moon” for something…a job, a relationship, a part in a play, whatever.